Is The Church A Good Place To Find A Mate?

These days it seems as if people are searching high and low for places to meet a prospective mate. Whether it's at a nightclub, in the work place, at a gym or even at the grocery store, people are looking everywhere for that special someone.

Some experts believe that finding a mate isn't as complicated as many think. Just go to church. The church? Can the church really be a good place to find a mate?

Bishop T.D. Jakes, the renowned pastor of The Potter's House in Dallas, TX, seems to think so.

"The Bible teaches that whosoever finds a wife, finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22). It is far better to be found by a good man than it is for our Sisters to be forced to shop for one," the best-selling author of Woman, Thou Art Loosed! and The Lady, Her Lover, And Her Lord tells JET.
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He continues that the church can also be a good place to find a mate because the spirit is at work there.

"Real love doesn't come like shoes in a store. I believe that it is best when there is divine orchestration of lives by God who knows what each of us needs to be fulfilled," he says.

Even though Bishop Jakes feels that the church can be a wonderful place for meeting a mate, he stresses that people go there with more on their mind than just searching for a mate.

"I believe the best reason to go to church is to seek God," Bishop Jakes asserts. "If in the process of seeking God He sends you a mate, all the better. But remember that shopping for a man is not good for your self-esteem. If a man finds you, he tends to treasure you far more than if you find him."

Finding a mate in the church sure beats meeting one in a club, relates Rev. Dr. Sheron C. Patterson, senior pastor of Jubilee United Methodist Church in Duncanville, TX.

"The lights are on. You can see who you're talking to. The music is not too loud. You can hear what is said. In the church atmosphere, hopefully, the Holy Spirit is in the room, permeating the air and making the intentions pure. Being on church ground and holy ground usually gives people pure motives," she explains.

Patterson, who founded The Love Clinic, a Christian-based relationship seminar, at her church five years ago, recognizes that society has become so sophisticated in spelling out places for people to find a mate that the church has become off-limits for many.

"We have made the church an embarrassing place to meet someone. Traditionally the church has been our community meeting place. There was no shame in going there and meeting someone a long time ago because that was all we had," she points out.

And while the church can be a good place to meet a mate, Patterson encourages people to not assume that just because you meet someone in church, his or her intentions are righteous.

"The trouble starts when the church atmosphere is charged with desperation and devilment. This causes a phenomenon called the Holy Hoochie and the Holy Hustler, women and men in the church who are up to no good. Don't be fooled by the exterior just because a person is carrying a Bible or wearing a cross. This could be a decoy ... Test the Spirit with the Spirit. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you a warning. God gives us red flags, but we ignore them based on the exterior. Pray for the spirit of discernment," she contends.

Noted psychotherapist Dr. Ronn Elmore, author of How To Love A Black Man and How To Love A Black Woman, also believes the church is a good place to meet a mate, but he says that it takes lots of work to make it happen there.

"Church is not always set up where you can make the connection. It's a great place if you're not just looking on Sunday. Throughout the week, in ministries, is when you can interact with others. It can be a great opportunity to praise the Lord and to find the mate He has for you," the ordained minister, who heads the Relationship Clinic in southern California, states.

Like Patterson, Elmore agrees that you must not assume that everyone who crosses your path in church is sent from God.

"Put up a plaque that says, `Take nothing for granted.' Don't take for granted that you're dealing with holy people just because they're in the church," he reveals. "Get recommendations and ask others about a person. After there is some point of seriousness in the relationship, get it cleared up and verified from the pastor or others, but don't just listen to church gossip, positive or negative, about a person."

Once you find a potential mate, Elmore suggests you pray. "When all is said and done and you did all the work of checking and finding out about someone, conversing and dating, never leave out the necessity of prayer so you can make wise choices. Pray for yourself and how you fare in the process and have others pray for you. Relationships can be tricky in church and out."